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I didn’t feel as I could ever love SD as my brother loved his wife. My parents made a toast – may Josh and his new wife Melissa always be as happy and in love as they were that day. He and his wife were and are so obviously in love that it was painful for me to be there. Then right before Christmas, my brother got married. I was ready to dig a hole and crawl in it. So we moved into his parent’s house where his mother criticized me about the way I discipline, breastfeeding after six months, making my own baby food, the way I sorted laundry, …. My parents would not allow me to move into their house with SD (they never liked him, go figure). SD was only working 30 hours a week and playing his Xbox (the tool of satan) the rest of the time. It was a very difficult time for me – we lived in a crappy little trailer house in a trailer park where the cops knew people by name, and not because they were friends. Then Nathan was born and my world was turned upside down once more. And I continued to be a married single Mom. I am not one to just quit, so I went back to him after he promised to change. I had a choice to make – tell him what the situation was and what needed to change if he wanted me back, or just give up. Pssshhh! I am a lot of things, but I am not a pushover.Īnd then I found out I was pregnant … again. And when he did, he just said I needed to come back – not that he missed me or Luke or wanted to know what was wrong, just come home.
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I wrote a note and taped it to the TV (where it certainly wouldn’t be missed). I would not tolerate nor did I deserve to be treated this way. But the day I took Luke to have surgery and my Mom was the only person who came with me for support – that was the last straw. I cooked homemade meals and kept up with laundry. I woke with SD and slept with him all the while trying to be a good wife.
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I struggled to breastfeed him as most of his doctors told me I couldn’t. I took my tiny, screaming baby to four appointments a week all by myself – two at a Children’s Hospital 110 miles away, and two at a therapy clinic 70 miles away.
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His sperm donor (SD) couldn’t have cared less. So (against my better judgement) I married him and had his baby, Luke. I didn’t really even know him! But I had given him my v-card and now I was having his baby. I had been dating this guy for two months.